Okay, today i'm a little excited... I start my second to last semester of college. I will graduate with an associate's degree in Paralegal. Hmm.. I wonder will I come up like Erin Brokovich...haha..just maybe..tho. This semester i'm going to try night classes. That gives me time to sleep at night with the babies, cook dinner, breakfast and lunch.Finally after 19 months i decided the bottle must go...not liquor..the baby bottle. oh weee!!! He really has been clowning but doing better tonight verses last night. Well, i'll holla back tomorrow.

Lessons

Motherhood is just like adulthood. There's a point when you grow up. You start making smart decisions and decide to walk your own path. Motherhood is the same. Now that i'm a mother I think like one. For example, I remember one point in time my apartment was party central. We stay up all night playing cards and having cocktails. No more baby has to sleep, besides I don't want him picking up nobody else's bad habits. There's no more parties here, just me and the baby- oh yeah and Elmo,Big Bird,Buzz Light Year, The Super Readers and a few more characters.Motherhood is fun and its a continuous learning lesson. I learn something new everyday. Trust me when I say no two mother's are alike. Motherhood is something you have to experience to understand the lessons behind each day.

Why do babies keep throwing things out the play pen? In my case MySon keep throwing things because he love the bang, bang, sound of the items hitting the floor. Sometimes he throw things out to see how far is his fall going to be...smart huh.and other times he's letting mom know GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Its me too

I think I credit my child's donor too much for being a dumb ass. Today let me give myself some credit. I'm upset because I had to ask a friend to help me out. I feel that as I was laying around with my child's donor, planning to have a child for seven years. Why wasn't I saving.

Today I was upset because my child's donor didn't send me any MONEY.I explained to him that I really needed it. I never ask him for anything. I then realized its my fault too because my child was planned. Planned to be conceived. We never got to the details of the financial, emotional, physical and spiritual responsibilities. I'm such an a Dumb Ass......LBS

Reality

I need to do whatever I can to support my child. I won't sit around and let society dictate my pace. I am determined to be happy even when I can't. I will raise a man. What I do as a parent reflects on my child- he sees everything and hear well too.

I love being a mom. Sometimes when I feel so crappy those cuddly, little, soft hands slapping mommy face sets me straight. I will succeed for myself and most importantly for my child.Let me tell you guys what happened last night. MySon is so smart. He woke up last night and pulled his pamper off. He had his poo in his hand. WOW! Even then I smiled. I was tickled. I gave him another bath, I guess the first one was so fun. Then after all that he went straight to sleep, like he wasn't just playing in poo. I laid there watching him until I fell asleep. Motherhood is very entertaining...

Independence

Today Is all about independence....On Feb.5,2009 I gave birth to a 5 pound 12 ounces healthy baby boy. There was no baby daddy no where insight, in fact he wasn't even on the phone. Labor sucks but after one glance at my baby it was all worth it. I was so tired and worn out from the nine months of abnormalities I just wanted to sleep. As I came to the first thing on my mind was where is my baby? When the nurse rolled my baby into the room I stared him deep in his bold, beautiful eyes and told him mommie is here. On that day I decided mommie was going to be there always. I declared independent motherhood.

I heard Patience is a Virtue....

One of the hardest things for me in this life is Patience. I have none. If I don't want to be bother I don't, If I you take to long I leave, and if you not my child go with your momma. Once you have your own child patience is a must. There are many times I get frustrated and feel like screaming now that I'm a single mom. Sometimes I do just that scream to relieve myself. What's wrong with that? You can't let things wear you down and be a burden on you. My child needs me in his life, not just part of me but all of me. I need to make sure I can so he will. I love my baby more than anything in this world and its sad that his father choose to miss out. I'm going to take every oppurtunity I can to be the best mom to him. If that means doing it on my own, hey i'm not the first. Hats off to all the single/independent moms!

Don't get me wrong, I commend any man who can step up and be a father to his child. I love the idea of the American Dream- husband , wife, kids, dog, house, and the white picket fence. I fantasized about it alot as a young girl. As I matured into a woman then motherhood I realize that's just what it is a dream. That dream is not for everybody. I often wonder when will I find Prince Charming and even contemplated of kissing a frog but when reality sets in THERE'S NO FAIRY TALE ENDING!

Is this normal

I couldn't believe the attention I was getting from men while I was pregnant. They all wanted to spend time with me.Its something about being pregnant that attracts a man to woman. I thought that I wouldn't be able to attract anyone, oh how I was wrong. I had to turn guys away left and right. I didn't feel a connection with anyone. I was bonding with my child. I couldn't turn my attention off him.

By the fourth month of this the hormones kicked in. I was single and ready to mingle. I still didn't want to be around just anybody. I needed something familiar. I started calling the exes(only the good ones) if you know what I mean. Just a friend, nothing serious, and keeping it 100 is the rules.

Lonely days

Moving on is the best thing to do but it gets lonely. Solution call friends and family to keep you company and take your mind off things for the moment.

Humbleness

Now at six weeks of pregnancy the last thing you need is stress. Mommies please stay stress free or at least try to. One way I relieved my stress was to humble myself in all situations. If there's an enemy such as my baby father( sperm donor) I should say, is to simply just STAY AWAY! To avoid confrontation and drama. The more you try the better you will get. One stressful day my donor called me, with all the denial he had the nerve to let his new girlfriend call ME. She had the audacity to question me. Excuse me, Miss Zambrella but I didn't sleep with you, this is not your concern talk to your Man please. I hung up the phone and PEACE BE STILL. H-U-M-B-L-E-N-E-S-S. I am still learning to be humble, but its working.

Lesson 2 Humbleness- although my donor and I don't have a relationship we still have a Son and we need to talk. I can't just deny him his paternal rigths. I had to mature. I learned to be humble and just take things one day at a time. I had to realize that I can't make him do anything. Although I want to. I don't have to be childish and argue with him or her, Nobody for that matter. All I have to do is ME.......and what's best for MySon in the end.

The next step is forgiveness. In order to forgive you have to let it go. If you don't your just holding on to hurt and the more you hold it, the more it will hurt. Just Let it go..ya know.I forgive the donor. I won't let him have control over me. If I don't let it go I will be damaging myself.

Now the next step is ........take a guess...................Move on. I refuse to be stuck in a situation that I can't get myself. It took me a while to realize that it was over. One part was relieved another part was hurting badly. I found ways to forget about what was or used to be, and got into what is. I continued going to doctor's appointments without him, Planning names without him, Ultrasound appointments, Baby shopping, and etc. all without him. The hardest thing to do sometime is to forgive, but the reward is so worth it. Now ,you forgave you can live again!

who am I

Who am I? I'm a college student from the urban community. I recently had my first child at the age of 27. It was a boy. He is the most beautiful and precious thing in my life at the moment. Everything I do I think about how it could affect my child. Even when i'm upset I have to think about him first. I found out Iwas preggo's on July 3, 2009. That was one of the happiest days of my life. I was overjoyed with the thought of becoming a mom. My child was planned... I had been trying for years. I called my boyfriend to tell him the good news and that's when the ball started going downhill. He denied my child! Our child! I started this blog to support single parents who are making the challenge. This blog is for moms who put their kids first no matter what. I feel i can talk about this topic because i'm living it. The old folks say there's no better teacher than experience. I feel its nothing wrong with learning from someone else experience. In short I hope to learn from other mothers out there who are making the challenging and hopefully someone can learn from me. Together US moms will encourage each other.

Lesson 1- Accept Denial
The first thing I had to do was accept the fact that my child's father was an idiot. We were together 7 years and that still didn't mean a thing, as soon as I told him the news he went into denial. I was upset, frustrated, depressed, angry, betrayed, lied, and bascially slapped in the face. To get over the hurt i first had to accept it!